Dinner with The Jase

So a couple o days ago, Jase asked if he could get the expired milk. We throw those
away anyways so I said,"Go ahead." Then he asked me for a couple o these old ass 100grand bars that I was gon throw away as well. So I gave him 3. You'd figure that he was gon eat the chocolate and wash it down with some milk right? Yeah, me too. But this
time, it's the way he asked n shit. Was like he had fucken plan. So I crept to the back
after like 5 min n shit. Then I marveled:

That cup o glorious deliciousness is 3 100grand bars crushed into a plastic cup and milk. It's that simple y'all. So go out n make your own variation. He's got a lot more I just haven't gotten pics. I'll get on that. peace!

oh yeah, Jase mans back at the job. He had to take a leave o absence for like a month n then some but he's back.

The Jase...

Hey yo, whassup?...Anyways, I ain't too sure if its been 5 or 6 weeks or so since the Jase got paid n shit. Regardless, 30k ain't no joke. Shiiit, If I got that shit, I'd let the money work for me.(like they advise in all them finance advice shit) I'd be up in Vegas pimpin it up fo like 2,3 days n shit. Lettin the BJ table and craps choose my financial fate. Anyways, The Jase n all his peeps in the twaker crew that got paid as well are broke. Like sleepin in they car broke. And befo you start feelin all sympathetic n shit like,"oh the economy." Nah yo, this shit ain't got nothing to do with that. This is simply and purely Jase. (The others are dumber then dirt too, but this is about Jase) Buyin an overly priced truck, goin to a casino and usin the atm like its a candy machine, maxxin out everyday. Oh yeah, pimpin it up @ the Motel 6 for a month. me,"Hey, why don't you stay at them weekly rate motels?" jase," Fuck them, they're ghetto. Nothin but crack hookers n addicts." me,"Oh I see. The motel 6 is classier." You learn something new eurday. Just gotta pay attention yo. peace...

Some o these muhfukers...

Wassup y'all, just real quick:

Some o these muhfukers just make me twitch. Cuz I'm soo fukin itchin to just punch em
on the side o their head. I don't wanna do major damage yo, nothin to the face you know? Just a straight right to side o the head. Shiit I'll even wear a boxin glove, you feel me?

So fukin Leroy(Snoops husband)brings in his newest house guest or as i like to call em, the newest member o the "Crack Nation." (Throw your rocks up bitches!just like rocafella!))So after a muhfkin impromptu emergency conference meeting held in our beer aisle. I believe the topic was,"what 40oz should we get?" They finally agreed to roll with a motherfuckin,"King Cobra."(fyi: poor mans "Old English 800")They even axd for the price.($2.25)So the new
bitch rolls it to the counter like he a pimp. Then the bitch throws down 2 crumpled ass dollars. As if he didn't ax for the price 5 fukin seconds ago. So Rawl reiterates that it's $2.25. Bitch ass looks over to a construction worker I'm cashing a check for, and says,"hey, you got a quarter?" Is when we chime in and tell him,"nah dude, don't ask our customers for change." Then the bitch ass muhfuken cocksucker pulls out a dollar. You See? You See why? I aint askin for much, just the side o the head.

update: Been some changes round hure

Hey yo, What up? I know, I know, Been laggin like a muhfuker on the updates n shit. Well first off, lotta shit has been changing:
The crazy lady moved down the street cuz i started banning all the bums who
camp out on the side o the store. So the bum front's been quiet.(the new crew o bums sucked anyways)Prior to that, caught this new black lady bum, terrifyingly huge and nasty, taking a dump on the side o the store. Rawl and I are leavin and he goes,"Ed that lady's taking a shit." me,"what?" Then the bitch comes scurrying out pullin up her pants n shit. I was like,"Awww what the fuck? That is some nasty shit! Thats it, I'm callin 5.0 on your ass! I aint seen her since. Thank God, cuz she was huge. She'd whoop my ass.

And the Jase man, He's finally gettin paid from the law suit against the trailer park owner. 30 grand, yo! So he's too ballin to be workin anymoe. It'd prolly last like 6 months n shit. we'll see wassup with that. A bunch of the twakker crew got paid, They all pimpin n shit.

I had some pics n shit, but my cam problems continue. A muhfukin valet went in my bag and stole my cam. Fuckin cocksucker, Imma set that bitch up and catch that prick cuz I know who did it. I fill u in on that shit.

So thats the quick update y'all, Sorry for the lag. Since Jase is gone, been havin to work the front a lil mo. Not as much time to chill at the computer. But I got some "memoirs," n shit comin up. peace....

A whole new kind o CRAZY!

Yo, wassup?.. Anyways I want to talk about,"crazies." You know? Them psycho muhfukers. And not the,"Gangsta Crazy I don't give a fuk," crap. I'm talkin bout the,"voices in they head, swattin at imaginary flies," kind o crazies. You feel me? Well I could honestly say that I am somewhat of an expert when it comes to crazies in the hood. I've dealt with all kinds, yo. There's this one dude. Midlle aged, bearded cat who's pretty cool. So I hook him up, give him 2 for 1 on some o the older wines n shit. Dudes always pretty polite. Then the muhfuker goes to the side o the store to drink his shit. Aww man yo, this fool starts cussin n yellin at some imaginary somethin for like an hour n shit. Then the dude comes in all polite n shit. You see, I'm all cool with that yo, just check your demons at the door. I've had peeps straight up,"shush" me when I ask what they need, while they rap with the voices in they head. So I rephrase the question to,"aiight, what you guys need?" You learn that,"Crazy" aint something you can scare or intimidate. You just gotta roll with it. And that's what I do.

Then she came. Like a plastic bag flying, nah more like 57 plastic bags, in the breeze.
This ones so fuckin loaded with crazy that whatever I write here wont even scratch the surface. It all started with trash. Yup, fuckin trash. I rolled to work one day and next to our trash bin is a pile o shit. All kinds o shit, plastic bags, shoes, old luggage etc. So I see Jase and have him clean that shit up. Then I ask him whats crackin with that shit. He tells me its this lady that used to live in the trailer park but he guesses she got evicted or some shit. So whattup with the trash n shit? he just did that finger roll on the side o the head thing. You know, the universal sign for crazy.

Turns out that every night, she goes round town collecting all that bullshit and deposits it on the side o my store. Fuckin fantastic! Out of all the fuckin stores around
here, I am the lucky one. Ok, fine. I figured I could handle this...


Look at her. pants all saggin n shit. wth?



That's her, just doin her thang.

I tried everything, bribing her with soda, threatening to call the police. Shit, the other day I figured I'd try to talk to her. You know? get a feel for the situation. She straight pulled out that, plug both your ears and bust out the lalalala, i can't hear you, bullshit. I wasn't ready for that one. I gotta get a whole new game plan... peace.

Completely clueless...0

Some dumbass chic just walked in and asked for,"you know those sheepskin things." Rawls like,"huh?" So she points to the Trojans,"yeah those." wtf?

Jase's ass walks in with no shirt on, nappy ass long hair of his all flared out under a dirty ass backward hat. So I say,"Yo Jase, don't ever walk in here with no shirt on. You work here dumbass. Lookin like a redneck piece o trash." Jase: "thats kinda racist." me:"Look at your ass. if you could see yourself walking round like that, you would think the same shit." Jase:"no, I would just think it's normal cuz it's hot. Anyways, look what i found. A bunch of pyrex glass shit." me:"What the fuck u gon do with that shit?" Jase:"Sell it to someone who cooks dope." me:"alright,you aren't redneck. My bad, you're straight Trailer." Of course he don't see the irony.

I lost my phone that had a cam and my muhfukin cam broke. Been that kind o month. so no pics, y'all. Cuz a pic o Jase woulda been priceless. I'm workin on gettin a cam but am considering a web cam instead. So sorry for lack o updates. Some personal bullshit lately been really fuckin with my motivation to write. But I think I'mma be back on track. So if y'all still readin my bullshit, I'm on it. Plus I gots this crazy ass lady.... I mean, Damn! Bitch is so crazy I don't even know what to do. I'll fill y'all in. Peace...

The Jase - Stomach pains, Emergency rooms

Hey wassup y'all? Been a lil while right?... Anyways, get this shit yo. The other day,the Jase man comes in looking all fucked up. Clutchin his side axin bout appendicitis and shit. So i naturally say,"Fool, you ain't got no appendicitis." Gave him a drink and went on with the day.

Heard later that he went to the emergency room. So now I feel kinda bad, ya know? See his ass the next day and find out that he went in for pain, they gave him some pain meds and a script for more pain meds. Which fool can't get cuz he broke, you know? So I naturally ask him what the diagnosis was and he say's,"nothin." Me:"WTF u mean, nothin." so i look at his paper work, and they basically put, abdominal pain. Alrighty then. Then I lecture him that since he looks like a bum,(beard, dirty ass shoes, stained shirt)they're gonna treat you like one. Anyways, I figured I'd get to the bottom of this. So I ask him if he's been shittin normal and what not. Turns out, he ain't shit for like 5 days. And he says that he's a normal once a day'er. Ok, I tell him," Bitch, u got constipation. You're backed up." Jase,"whats that?" Gaad dammn, its really like like talkin to a tree sometimes. "your system is plugged up. there's a pipe blocked up, fool." So i give him some "milk of magnesia," cuz we aint no muhfukin pharmacy n shit and we ain't got nothin else.

So the fool works that night. I ask him if he deuced yet. Nah, not yet. See him the next afternoon with that same look of pain with a lil,"I'mma cry," thrown in. Says he's gotta go to the emergency room again. Me: "alright bitch, they gonna five u mo pain meds and tell you to go." And just like I said, its what they did.

Next day I ask him what the fuck he's been eatin n shit. Cause the doc told him to eat bannanas and apple sauce n shit like that. Turns out that the other night, he found a case o these cereal bars and proceeded to eat 50 of em. All hail the king of dumbasses. This is what he found...

So in the end, He ended up takin a deuce and now all is right in the kingdom of dumbasses.

sorry bout the lag...

Been lagging on the posts lately. gon get on them again.
There has been a shift lately. All the bums and the trailer parkies have gone. There's a new wave of fuk faces lately. Gotta get used to them. But Hectors brother just got out. Good to have one o the OG's back in town. anyways, I'll get at this soon. peace...

Where he lays his head is home....but disaster always follows

Wattup y'all, I told you I'd fill you in on the residential mishaps of our man Jase right? awiite then; If you've read earlier posts, then you should know bout his "crib mansions" flooding and goin up in smoke. right? (if not, then go read that shit.)Just terrible "real estate" choices. Or the worst luck in the world. Either way, Its the Jase man yo. Where ever he roams, some bullshit is always close behind.

Recently, the Jase has been cribbin it up in one o those big ass metal container muhfukers you see at construction sites. You know, the ones that look like dumpsters. yeah. He's been chillin in one recently and even told me how that shits been there almost a year n shit and how no one uses it. So he was puttin all his shit in it and pimpin it out, you know?... Then about a week later, dumbass comes in all sad n shit talkin bout,"they took my place." me:"what? your dumpster crib?" Jase:"yeah, and all my stuff was in there." me:"you dumbass. why the fuck u puttin all your shit in there anyways?"... "well, at least you weren't in it when they picked it up. although that woulda been hilarious." aint that a bitch? you head home after a long day then bam! yo shit is gone... Only the Jase man.

Before the dumpster crib, he was holed up in some abandoned moose lodge or some shit. Its right behind the store too. Its empty cuz of asbestos n shit, even got those official signs on the door saying not to fuck with it cuz o the asbestos n shit. But he dont give a fuck, He was there a couple months n shit. Until he starts blabbin his mouth to his colleagues bout his new crib n shit. Then he starts to get
roommates n shit. Then soon after, this is what happens....




Holy shit! that aint no regular fire, yo. its a fukin inferno!...Never let the Jase sleep anywhere near yo shit.

no maam, we don't need your ID...

Hey yo, check the wrecks on this; There's this lady, right? Kinda plumpy, overdoes her eyeshadow n shit and rocks them uh, velvet trainer gettups, you know the top n bottom matchin. Like them old school pimps wit the gerry curls would rock. yeah, thems. But without a doubt, in her mid 40's. you know?... Well, she been comin in lately and uh, grabbin some alcohol n shit, right? then when I ring her up and tell her the price, she says," oh, guess your gonna have to see my ID." And just as I'm bout to say," Nah maam, its cool." Bam, she whips it out, with that'oh what a hassle,' sigh n shit. And just as I expected, She was born in 60 somthin!

Whatya do? right?... so i just play it off. Finish the transaction and just shake my head and dismiss it. its the hood, right?... uh huh. Well a couple days later, I'm in the back and Rawls handlin the front, you know? then the lady comes thru, Still rockin the velvety pimpness n all.(fyi, she's caucasian. just in case, yo.)and when she gets up to the counter, Rawl rings her up and she does the same shit!... I'm bustin up cuz Rawls all like," uhhhh okay." finishes up and through the cam's I see him shakin his head. So I yell out," Hey Rawl, you don't have to be an ID Nazi yo. you coulda let her go." ... whattya gon do? right? its the hood.

Dumbass is still entertaining....

Hey what up?... anyways, I knew there was a reason I didn't knock jason upside the head for the "notary public," bullshit. its cause either way, he is entertaining at the least.

Jase begin weaseling his ass back up in here recently, and I aint pissed @ him. So I'll let the fool get me n Rawl some food n shit and let the fool have the cans n bottles. You know, shit like that. So dumbass the other day comes in n says,"can i get something to eat on credit? i just woke up and i'm starving." It was fuckin 5pm. So I asked him what he wanted. A can of pork n beans and a can of soda. I hooked him up. I even got the can opener and opened the can and asked if he wanted me to heat that shit up. He said he's good then proceeded to drink the pork n beans
right out the can. Like a mutherfukin milk shake. and then the bitch slams the can down on the lotto table. As if it were some sort of beer downing contest. Retardedly impressive, for the ability to eat room temp pork n beans and for being proud that he can down it. The Jase is a unique cat.

oh yeah, he lost his crib again... I'll fill you in on the outcomes of his last two cribs. comedy n caraziness... peace

F*ckin got runned on again.....

hey eurbody, get this shit: We got runned on again today! WTF! I believe the recession is fueling the desperate actions of these
idiots. But anyways, this p.o.s. caught us off guard. He didn't grab any beer, Liquor or wine (calling what we sell,"wine" is unfair to the wine fans. though technically "Night Train, thunderbird and Boones Farm actually say "wine" on the labels.) But I digress. Anyweez, basically this is where he caught us with a curve ball. The "booty," or objective of his scheme was ... u ready?.... awite, get this yo,
2 muhfukin Snickers. grabbed the two went around the store lookin at drink selections while creepin towards the door then, BAM! broke for the door and was out! and you know who was workin the front again. The Nik. He actually began to "pursue the suspect," but I was quick to call it off. I simply said,"it was 2 fuckin snickers. if he was that hungry, let it be." I don't know whats behind all this runnin n shit. Maybe Its been awhile since I have held the "Hammer of retribution." Maybe they need to be reminded. I think that could be it! so peace. gotta go study up on some BB guns. keep u posted.

Meet the regs...(Steve)

Hey, wassup? nothin? alright then, let me introduce you to my man Steve. He don't want nothin 'cept cigarettes and cola. Steve has been coming here for years with the same dealio. A hand full of change that he always dumps on the counter and say's," do I have enough for a soda and cigarettes?" first off, let me tell you the standard protocol when it comes to change, you now coins n shit. I don't know if it's industry standard or not, but our company manual says,"fuck change. especially that dirty pan handled shit from peoples old ash trays n shit with bits of gum and whatever the fuck mixed in. options: tell em about coinstar, tell em to leave, or mase/taze em at your discretion." So Steve here gets alot of preferential treatment. Mainly cuz I like the guy. You see, he's a lil,"mentally disabled or developmentally challenged." Is that the right term? I don't know, shit. basically to me, he's a 10yr old up stairs.(He aint nothing like "Timay," though) but one that loves to smoke cigs and drink coke. From the lil info i have gathered here's his background, seizures as a kid, prolly led to the mental development issues, and lives with a "care provider." and I think he's gotta a part time janitor gig sometimes but he gets in trouble for cussing. and he listens to the Beatles alot. other then that his days mission is to get coke and some cigs. And once he's situated, he's out with the same speech everytime. "alright I love you guys. I'mma go home and do what i want, have what i want and wear what i want. i'm feelin good. i'm gonna sleep like a log tonight... okay, see you later. alright then bye." its the way he rolls. So even though he calls me johnny at times, I'm cool with Steve.

oh yeah, on a side note: There's gon be one less slanger up in this hood. Niko enlisted in the Army... yeah, you know an army of one and all that shit. I guess he wants to see some real action. I was like,"what, you think you better then us now? m16's and grenades? shit, that shits easy bitch. ask em up there in the army if they could get a head shot from 50 yrds with a BB gun. uh huh...Nah, I didn't say none of that shit. But it's hard to replace a good kid like Nik especially round hure. thankfully i stills got the Rawl.(El Machine) Anyways... wish the best for Niks dumbass. if you all see him out there, say wattup. peace...

Beer Run

Hey, wassup? Check this shit out yo. Last Sat. Nik's up front, I'm in the back just chillin n shit. dude roles in. Has his hood on, but you can kinda tell he's more of an
"esl"{no hablas}type mexican cat. Generally those cats are pretty cool. So he goes to beer aisle, grabs a 12pk corona. And straight books. I'm still chillin and I hear Nik yellin,"Hey..." So as i take the four steps to the counter, Nik's out the door. So knowing that I aint gon be running n shit, I grab some mase and my sawed off baseball bat. Then I go out n asses the situation. i.e. do i need to lock the store, get the gun, or does the tazer time get another shot. it all depended on Niks situation. So then I reach the corner rockin my bat. Well lets not forget that Nik's ass jumps over cars n shit. And he been playin sports his whole life. And hes 25% black so naturally he can dunk n shit. and most importantly he's young. Now thats where beer runner boy
fucked up. You gotta scout your targets yo. He's prolly done it before and usually on some middle aged workers n shit. He prolly thought he was home free after he hit the corner. Nope, as i hit the corner Nik's gaining on him quick. 12pk drops. Now he's running and looking backwards then forwards. You know, that panicky fuckin run like when u was a kid and you were bout to get 'tagged' n shit. Yeah, that fuckin run. Some of the boys from the park saw and start coming over as we had a few good laughs. I pulled Nik off. Let it go, he didn't get shit. 2 broken bottles, we get credit. I think. But the moral of this story isn't about being athletic, or a slow beer runner, or scouting. It's the fact that I was slippin. got caught off guard. Shit's been kinda chill round here lately. Got a lil cocky. all this coulda been avoided by properly gearin up. Like the new BB-gun that I keep tellin myself to get but never fuckin remember. Cause that one woulda been bueno.(no car, Nik with the bb) partly cuz it aint like it used to be when you walked into walmart and walked out with a bad boy like my last one. They aint got shit no mo(airsoft n shit??)what the hells up with that shit?... anyways peace. I'll be shopping for a bb gun. Oh yeah, update on that taser baton thang. Shits wack, considering one o those cop ones. but I heard they're a lil different. like more defense then control. U see? cause Imma need the latter. multiple tazes are a necessity.

Notary public...

Hey y'all. aint no one prolly keepin up with this shit but here's an update anyways. I fired Jase for sheer stupidity and insubordination. Dumb fucker was actin all stupid one day so I asked him if he wanted to work or keep actin like a fuckhead. He chose the latter. So I asked him if he understood that he lost his job. Motherfucker replied,"uh yeah, you want to to get a notary public?"
A 'notary public,' this peice o shit motherfucker. I was so close to beatin his ass with a large side o taser time. But I let it slide. Mostly cuz he's a meth head bum. Fuckin meth heads... what can u do?
here's a pic of our man Jase on the job...