Memoirs of a liquor slangeer (Beer runners. My redemption)

Hey, Wassup? Hows your holidays? Cool. Oh, Merry X-mas n all that jazz. I'll be at work bitches, cuz we don't never close. Anyways, aint too much action round hure lately. Cept they got my man Rowdy on some aggravated assault thang n got 15yrs. Sucks, but he's got it pretty chill on the inside. You know? Sureno, familia runs deep, and he from P-tizzy. From what I hear, the P-tizzy's got respects on the inside. You know?... uh huh. But if you don't know, now you know.
^^^ there goes the tourettes again. Whattya gonna do huh? Anyways yo, since its been slow as of late, here's another excerpt from the “memoirs:”

This shit was in the beginning of my time at this store. The proving times. Where one must set their status amongst the savage. Cause the tests will come. And when they do, word will spread out fast bout how you handled your shit. Like I said befoe, it's like the plains of the Serengeti. But I aint trying to be no muhfukin “Lion King,” n shit but i'm sure as hell aint gon be no “gazelle,” or whatever, you know?... Basically, in simple terms, “I ain't gon be no punk-bitch.” Know what I'm sayin?... cool. So bout 2 weeks in or so, got mutherfukin “beer-ran.” Straight got caught slippin n shit.They got an 18 pack. Sonsabitches! Then the same lil fuckers did that shit again on my pops a few days later. Mutherfuuuckers! I had to do it. Didn't want to. But they forced my hand. There was no choice. She had to come out. Time to teach these lil sonsabitches bout what it is, that I do. They wanted to play? Well I can play too. And I aint playin no airsoft bullshit either. It... was mutherfukin ON! Fuckin Game time! You know?... BB gun time.

On my way out the next day, stopped to pick up some Co2 cartridges n what-not for my trusty BB-gun. Hadn't seen her in a long time. But we been through some shit, you know?(if you don't, read “BB-guns n chili peppers.") So that feeling of eminent redemption was slowly building up inside. Uh-huh. A couple o BB's in they ass seemed to me the optimal choice for the situation at hand. Shiiit I'd give mutherfukers 18pks if they just let me shoot em in they ass as they run away. Quality entertainment, If you asking me. And I'm damn good with my BB gun. pre-fukin-cise, yo. My name should start with two B's. And end with 2 in yo ass. But I digress.
Locked n loaded. Ready to play. Even did a couple practice runs: creep towards door, swing door open, two step slide around front door, aim and unleash the wrath. I have to admit, I was quick, yo. I couldn't wait. And on the bonus side of things, I didn't even have to wear my ghetto ass ninja suit. This mission required plain clothes. Now the only thing missing was the beer runners...

It was problly bout three days or so, when these 2 younger cats stroll in. When they head for the beer coooler, I'm on it. Then you gotta check what they grabbin. a couple 40's then nah, not likely. 18 packs n shit like that, yeah its on. They grab a 18 pack each. I grab the real gun, holster it.( just in case) Then I grab "black beauty." I stay towards the door actin cool n shit, you know. Smilin while I say shit like,"is that it?".. Boom, they goin. I swing my door open, grazin the second dude. They take a sharp left after clearin the front door. As expected. There's a small access road on that side. I "two step slide," round the door frame, raise up my weapon and FIRE! all done in a deliberate manner, no rushin or jerky panicky shit like that, yo. The second runner was within a 7 foot range when I unleashed a good 5 round burst on his ass. He kinda wretches/stumbles as the BB's hit him. He looks back and see's me standing there with a big black gun. You shoulda seen fuckheads face yo, Sheer terror. He thought I was shooting him with a real gun. I keep firing, 3 or more shots. on the 2nd hit of the ensuing volley, Dumbass drops the 18 pack, changes course, and basically runs for his life out towards the big street. He even left an adidas slipper behind. I turn to runner 1. By this time he has gained a lil distance. I aim and fire. I hit him a few times as he reached his car. I could tell from the flinching movements that I was making contact. But he scrambled in his car clutching the 18pck like it was his kid. took a few more shots but ineffective cuz a fence was giving him cover. Ceased fire! picked up my 18 pck, kicked the dudes slipper onto the street and went back to work. Sometimes you gotta give an 18 pack to wield the hammer of redemption. and when you strike down on these punk asses, it is fuckin SWEET!

Some kid told me later on that day, he saw those dudes. He knew them from school, said one dude had like 5 purple welts on his back, and the other dude had some bruises n shit. And the one dude was still missing his slipper. haahaaa!

Fortunately for me, the beer runs didn't end there. That was just the first one. And one thing you might want to know is that 90% of these could have easily been stopped before they even run. By just manning the door when I suspect. They're so easy to spot. But whats the fun in that?... none. I figure if they can withstand the barrage of BB's in they ass and still get away with the beer, then they deserve it. A worthy opponent indeed. The percentage has been 50/50 for those that mange to hold on. But the punishment delivered actually makes me feel like the victor. Like this one quick lil muhfuker, ran with a 12pk. By the time I was taking aim, he was already entering the getaway car. So I sprayed him with a few shots. I'm pretty sure I hit him or the driver cuz the driver took off in full panick mode. Door half open, burning out, flying out the driveway, which is steep n shit. So his car was bouncing n shit and he musta lost control or something cuz as they aproached the big street, still floorin it, the dumbass hits the curb opposite my driveway with his tire. BAAMM! and it aint no regular sized curb either. This here's the hood so street maintenance isn't a big priority, shits like a "Double," not even concrete yo, some sort of asphalt mix. More like a mini wall. And when he hit, the back of his ride shot up in the air like 5 feet n shit. and when it all came crashing down, the shit was making this loud scrapping sound as it limped off. I'm sure the damage inccured to his vehicle made me the winner of that round as well... whadda you think?