chili peppers n BB guns (cont.)

Fuckin Jack, he looked like that ufc fighter Kimbo Slice. but only from the neck up. He was a crack head so the classic, malnourished, skinny as fuck body applies. any ways, after a few more entertaining moments, the true side of Jack started to pop up. He had this girlfriend. I think her name was Denise. Well, Denise was a lil "crazy," not Gangsta crazy n shtt like that. But For real crazy, like voices in her head n rappin with herself crazy. yeah, you know... she was nuts, but she never caused any real trouble, (cept for this one time. She came in, walked up to the counter, so we ask her,"wassup?" She just stands there with this far off look. Kinda half closing her eyes n shit. At first, I was thinkin she might be talking to her "peeps," but yet the look on her face looked familiar... So on a hunch, I go out n around the counter,"awww helll nooo." old "looney tunes," was standin there and straight PISSIN. in her pants, down her leg and straight on the floor. "gaawwd Dammmnn Denise, Why you got to pee on my floor yo? How come you can't pee outside?... shit." She just stared blankly. wat the hells Imma do? beat her ass? For all I know, she probably thought she was chillin in a pool.) so she was ok in my book. So one day she comes in to ask for some cigarretes and half her head is covered in blood. "hey Denise, what the hell happened to yo head?" she says,"huh?" so I says, "you got blood all over your head." She just wipes her head, looks at the blood and say's,"oh, jack hit me on the head with a bottle." I call 911, ambulance comes and takes her to the hospital. Later that day, Jack comes in so I ask,"Hey yo Jack, 'the hell you hit Denise with a bottle for?" and get this shit, fuckface replies with,"Fuck you! it aint none o your damn business." I'm thinkin this idiot lost his mind. my response was," the fuck did you just say, u bum lowlife piece o shit? get the fuck out my store fore I beat u." Ol Jack just stands there and has the balls to say," what? what are you gonna do?" I walk out the counter and as i approach him, crazy ass, cracdkhead (musta smoked alot that day) took a swing. He was off by a mile but I was quite surprised by his ballsiness. I got over that quick and grabbed him by the neck and popped him with a right cross. the funny thing is that as he fell back, he went end over end,(kindda like a reverse rollover) right out the door. had a good laugh. He got up all raging n shit. I told him not to ever come back cuz I will really hurt hurt his ass next time. I go back to work and guess what happens next? The police show up. Mother fucker called the cops on ME. aint that some shit? Cops ask what happened, I tell em. they say that its common for Jack to call the police. they kinda roll their eyes. and the whole time I'm talkin to the cops, Jacks at the end of the parking lot all yellin shit like,"THATS THE BITCH THAT HIT ME. ARREST HIS ASS!" all playin the victim roll n shit. wtf? (to be cont)

Update....

hey, just wanted to give u an update with a few goings on around here. First off, a few days ago, I hear a commotion outside. Typical yelling and cussing, so I go check it out and I see Loc goin straight gangsta on a black dude. they fuckin cussin wavin they hands around. So I holler,"Heeeey!... take it easy!." so Loc looks over, nods, and seems to calm down. at which point, I walk back in the store. Then, I hear a loud crash. glass shattering sound. you know? So I spin back around, look outside and say,"gaadDaamn." Crazy ass Loc yo, dude was driving away in his minivan when she slammed a beer bottle through the back window. and she stood there, with that gangsta lean. basically saying to the dude,"what niuggha, whatchu gon do?" I just shook my head as i went back inside. and said to Rawl "dude, Loc has more balls then most these muhfukers."
Turns out that Loc was gon check into Rehab the next day. So she was a lil irritated that day... One thing bout the hood, You don't have to fake it if you're having a bad day. I don't..... peace.

ps. I will finish "chili peppers n bb guns." by next post. peace.

memoirs of a liq slanger...... Chili peppers n BB guns

Hey eurone, here's another "blast from the past.".........
there I was, blacked out from head to toe. crouched behind the wall. Waiting for my chance. I knew that if I didn't succeed. nah, fuk that success is the only option. The subject had to be taken care of now..... But damnn! it was hot as fuk! it was dark out but it was still a, "punch someone in the fukin face cuz I can't take it no mo," 95 degrees with some fukin humidity. and I gots on, a black hoodie, black pants, and a black beanie with a hole cut for my eyes. what the hells goin on around here? I must look ridiculous. dressed like some "ghetto" ass, wanna be "seal team" dude. On the fukin roof with a damn bb gun, sweating my balls off. I shoulda bought the rifle. damn!damn!damn! where'd i put the fukin reciept? fuk! why the hell I always gotta throw the reciepts away? alright, I think I'm losing it!
Let me fill you in on the events that occured leading up to my moment of insanity. It was South Phoenix, late 90's. My first market. hot. "but its a dry heat." fuk all that. Let me fill you in on something that ain't in the brochure's. There's a mutherfukin someshit they call a "monsoon" season. Right, smack in the middle of the hot months, it gets humid. Yup! Like, "raining while its a 100 fukin degrees" humid...Son of aBitch! Who the hell decided to set camp out here back in the days? and then decided to stay even after warm rain fell from the sky. (is like taking a hot shower on a hot day... fukin fantastic!) but I digress..... I was young, asian, and the new owner of the neighborhood market. Now there's something bout Phoenix that makes it unique as opposed to other major cities in the U.S....They have only one ghetto.... uh huh, 1. see most cities including L.A. have like a cluster bomb of ghettos. just random ass ghettoness. eurwhere, even bordering some of the richest towns in the world. But Phoenix, they had a plan or something. the plan was called South Phoenix. its a one stop "hood." and I was smack in the middle of the mufuker. Livin at the market in a back room/apt gettup with no fukin A/C. had some shit called a "swamp cooler," which is like blowin air through a wet towel. shit is wack! and during
monsoon time, it actually makes it worse. oh man, my crib was fucked up! Roaches up the ass. They aint even scared of you no more cuz they roll deep. as fucked up as roaches are, I had me some goddamn mice..... just what I was hoping for. I hate them sons of bitches...even Mickey! One morning, I woke up to some swishing sound. Looked around, didnt see shit. Got ready, turned on the kitchen lights and what da fuk do I see? A godamn mouse stuck to a glue trap rockin his body back n forth, skiing across the floor..... Fuk man! what the hell's goin on around here?
My life in Phoenix took some gettin used to. shit was wacked. but I adapted. shhht, wat the fuk could I do? I went out and got me one them portable a/c units. You pretty much had to sit right in front o that thing to be cool. go take a piss, u sweatin. So after closing time, ventures to, "whatever's open" was a treat. Fukin Walmart was a 3 times a week hangout o mine. U go and look for shit you don't need while u temporarily forget that you don't have an a/c at home. I was buying all kinds o bullshit. baseball equip., camping shit and probably the thinnest futon ever. (do u see the insanity. who the fuck am i gon play baseball with? and where the hell am i gon camp at?) But on one fateful night, I ended up buying a "Crossman" bb gun. it was a semi auto that held 18 shots.(semi auto bieng you shoot as fast as you pull the trigger.) Now that was a good buy. I set up a "shooting range" in the storage room with cardboard boxes n shit. it was dope! Put up some cans n next thing you know, I'm doin fukin "james bond" shoulder rolls and making a holster to practise the "quick draw," like a real muhfukin cowboy n shit. (yeah, I was 22 yrs old bitches) That bb gun has seen many a battle. has thwarted many beer run attempts. and has served me well on missions of retaliation. which brings us back to the "roof top."
well, there was this cocksucker bum named "Jack." fukface had this talent of gettin on your nerves real bad. The prior owner told me that hes been beat by most of the store owners around. But I thought they were just mean sons of bitches and needed to swim in "lake compassion" for a lil bit. So in the begining, I had good times with him. One time, me and the local kids were playing my game of "toss the candy in the air n see who gets it," always a fav amongst the kids.(but the lil ones would just get some for free.) when a customer o mine rolled up. He's one o the cooler Mexican peeps originally from L.A. so we were pretty cool off the bat. Anyway, he had just gotten back from Mexico and he gives me a lil bag of these tiny ass chilis. He tells me that they are one of the hottest chilis on earth.(they are in fact no.2 in the world) So I say thanks... I pretty much had no need for them but I didn't want to waste em. So I resume my game when I happen to see Jack. so I holler for him to come over. He comes strollin up and I give him a proposition. "yo Jack, you want a "night train"?(cheap shit wine) "yeah." me: "alright then, heres the deal, all you have to do is eat two o these lil ass chili's and u got a ticket to ride on the "night train."but you have to chew then open your mouth and show us before you swallow. alright?" fool just took them chilis and plopped em in his mouth like they was tic tacs. he chewed real quick and opened his mouth for inspection, and swallowed..... the kids looked disappointed but I knew that this type of party gets going after a lil bit. So then he starts breathing harder with his mouth open n shit. and hes already sweatin n shit. then the muhfker starts hopping around on one leg makin these,"wheeeuuh" sounds. and then he says,"holy shit, that gonna burn me a new asshole." me n the kids were on the ground laughin our asses off. we musta laughed for bout 10 minutes..... good times. In the end, I felt a lil bad so I gave him 2 trains.....(to be cont.)
(this one has to be continued, its too long yo. I'll finish up on the next post awrite? peace)

Only in the hood.....

Hey, just wanted to fill you in on some recent events up here in the hood. and I can pretty much say,"only in the hood."
Something fuked up happened the other day. Across the street, a regular o mine got shanked in the heart. I think his two buddies got shanked but they weren't life threatening injuries. I'm glad to say that the "regular" survived. strong ass muhfuker.... I heard that the reason for the attack,(and this is heresay) was that as he was kickin it with his other homies drinkin n shit, some chick came up and talked to them. So he gave her a cigarette and a beer. I guess the chick's boyfriend saw the exchange and wasnt too happy. So dude,(the pillar of reason.) decided that the only option was to grab a knife and kill any fucker that talks to his girlfriend. cuz, how else do you convey your love?
Well anyways, the News peeps show up later that day. They roll up in the big van and all that. well, get this, while the news chic was doin her live thang, some fuker snuck in the van and took her purse........ I can confidently say,"only in the hood. yo"