The One...

Listen up y'all, I have found the "ONE." The alpha and the omega. Where the long arduous road of crackerville ends. The "ONE," to lead all crack heads in the new millenium. He has no name. (I just don't know it) So I call him the ONE...

I have never seen anyone or anything come close to the crackiness that the "ONE," possesses. I have left the store at 3-4am at times and have seen him on the street with a squeegie and a spray bottle straight on the hunt for a car windshield to clean. At that hour, the streets round here are empty yo, just shows the dedication of the "ONE." So if he ever graces your town, show some respect and give him some change. for he is the "ONE."

A fukin Deuce, yo! Why?

Hey, Was up? how you all?.. anywayz, Let me fill you in on the recent
goins on round here. First off, The Jase man has been terminated for insubordination and sheer stupidity. I was spending too much time explaining to him why the shit he just did was probably the, hands down, without a doubt, most stupidest shit ever, even dumber then the last thing he did. anyways, I'll fill you in on another post. just a quick update fore I tell you bout the "deuce." well... as you may know, I go to work with the whole,"expect the unexpected," attitude, you know. So not too much surprises me or even gets to me. But this day, last Thurs. (I actually considered not ever mentioning it, thinkin that maybe it'll be like it never happened) Wrecked my whole shit up. It snatched away my hope for humanity. Like knocking over some kids ice cream just as he's bout to take his first bite. I was deeply affected. Probably will be forever. anyways, I digress. This old dude, a regular. comes in to get a beer. The stores busy too, I got a beer delivery goin on, some o the construction cats are waitin to cash their checks, a couple cats just gon get some beer. And I'm doin my thing, you know. knock out some checks, countin the beer stacks as they roll in, gettin peeps in n out. And then I hear the old dude askin Rawl if were out of something or what not. See dude waitin by a cooler door. Cashed all the checks, so now they gon get some beer n shit. old dude brings his "king cobra" to the counter. Bam, he's out. Hear the construction guys rappin with Rawl. Beer dude passes the counter and he says,"dude, someone farted or something." I'm gettin his check ready when I hear Rawl say,"Eddy." me: "yeah." rawl: "that dude took a shit over there." me:" what? he took some shit? whatd he take? that son of a bitch." rawl: "no, he took a SHIT." me:"WHAT?" and the construction guys all point. I investigate. and it turns out that the motherfukin nasty ass son of a bitch dropped two pieces of "deuce." at the end of the beer aisle. And upon further investigation, another as he walked out which he partially stepped on as well. At that moment, I took a moment. I was ill prepared for this scenario. What do I do? Do I go whoop his ass? Make his ass come back and pick it up? What the fuck is protocol here? And then a bunch of kids come in and snapped me out of it. Told them we are closed for ten minutes, got the construction cats out. got whatever gear we could find, dishwashers gloves, cleanup equip. that was gon be one time use, bleach, etc... (even considered bustin out trash bags with some duct tape to make some sort o ghetto ass Haz Mat suit n shit) cleaned that shit up.(i guess pun or not, it applies literally and fig.) Had to throw a couple o mats away too... WTF? Why? I felt violated, if I had a shower, I'd of been up in there like those chicks from the movies who got raped and they all scrubbing all hard n shit. maybe even sobbing. who knows?... What a dick. why three pieces? Isn't one enough? and where's the ass control? If you aint got none, aren't you supposed to be wearing "depends?" cant afford em? then wear a plastic bag as underwear. Cuz it was obvious he didn't have any on. They freefell down his pants and maybe grazed his shoe before touching down. I won't even get into the details yo. Might ruin your day n shit. I hope that you all never have to deal with that kinda Stuff ever. Cause its traumatic.
thats why I've decided to share my experience instead of being a victim. I will not let it make me a victim. peace...

Ignorant... or Fukin dumber then dirt

So some quick examples of the sheer, "idiocy" that we deal with:
So this chick comes in, right? prolly bout 19 or 20, Hispanic. She rolls in with
the "Twaker" crew.(the meth addicts) I aint ever seen her before, she prolly a noobie twaker. So as her friend is buying beer, She turns to me and says,"you guys hiring?" I reply,"no, not right now." and then, she says(verbatim)," not right now, foo?" I pause for a moment and say,"nah foo, no right now."... I can see that the future is bright for this one. maybe the next "CEO," of Ebay or some shit like that.
Yesterday, this dude comes in to cash a check. We do cash checks but generally from companies we are familiar with. Pulls out the check, I see that I don't know the company, so I tell him,"sorry, can't do it." and he returns with the common,"why?" I'm always so tempted to say,"Just don't feel like it. come back later, I might feel like it then. But then again, you look like an asshole so chances are slim. but you never know." But I just say,"no seh de compania."(my guerrilla spanish for: don't know the company.)and this is what dumbfuk says,"por que?(why) they are your amigos. they are chinese."... I just close my eyes and take a slow breath. No need to get offended. Cuz out here, you learn that they actually believe that shit. And there's no point to try and educate. Its why they're here in the hood. just dumber then dirt.